I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sext me about skeletons
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
