I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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