The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
