with your own penis?
I need help removing her.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
