All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
