My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize