Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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