I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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