from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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