i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
