Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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