Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
