then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Less talking, more tequila
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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