they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize