Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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