Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize