I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
