i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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