I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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