I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I understand Curling. That high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
