wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
