last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are we still banned from the library?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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