when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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