Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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