remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
