guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just high enough for therapy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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