yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
