You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
