having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
