you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
