it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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