I am puke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
