that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You did what with his pubic hair?
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