you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
