Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
