How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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