"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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