Did you just see the Batmobile???
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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