So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i think i just lost a toe
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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