I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
