Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
