I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
