I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize