didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
