have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
