Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize