He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
