Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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