Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
