Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
