dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
