You can't motorboat a personality
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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