Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
