My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
