you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
