There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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