masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Will exercising make me less horny?
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