Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
