I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize