Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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