You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
