Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
