Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
