You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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