Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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