Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
