coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
