hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
