Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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