there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
