the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
