Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
