**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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