i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
