He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk is not a location!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
