thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
