You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
