Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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