the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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