Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
