Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
