I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
