worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
a search helicopter?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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