I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
