That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
