FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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