Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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