Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize