i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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