my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
