I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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