Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
