in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
