I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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