Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
