just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
