I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
